Thankspigging 2012

Geared up...

I love the Thanksgiving. What a great holiday! Let me help you walk through how incredible Thanksgiving is so you can appreciate this awesomest of awesome holidays. Too many people waste their time thinking about Black Friday, Christmas, getting the tree up and a myriad of other way too stressful moments of the holiday season to sit back, pound some adult beverages, stuff your face, oh the face stuffing! and watching football while succuluntly surplanted on the well used American behind (I love this country!).  Allow me to take you on the journey of Spiegelhoff ThanksPigging, the greatest of great American holidays. 

It all starts with pajamas.  Do you think the Pilgrims pressed their shirts before making nice with the neighbors and feasting on the local wildlife? No, they woke up in feety pajamas, started a fire and grabbed a bottle of home-made-presumably-corn-infused-whiskey (I love America!) and enjoyed a sip before watching their favorite team dominate (Go Pack Go!) or a team they despise (Lions?? - it's just a minor subliminal suggestion, a major one would've been the Bears!) lose.  It's Thankspigging people! 

This is where the outstanding grocery shopping comes in.  If you don't have an entire feast of appetizers for Thankspigging you have failed, my friend.  Thankspigging is about calorie intake.  You need 56 ounces of peanut M&M's for your guests.  Pie!  Lots of pie!  Candy, chips, dips, more candy and chocolate.  Have some chocolate!  Guests and family want to come to your house and eat until they burst.  Make them comfortable so they don't have to be embarrassed when it happens, as in, start your day by hosting in your sweats.  Believe it!  Which, brings me back to pajamas.  Don't waste your time dressing in your Sunday's best.  This is Thursday!  They made this magnificent holiday on a Thursday so you can save that pressed shirt for Sunday.  Pilgrims - we'll always be indebted to our forefathers.

So we start with a handful of deliciousness; taco dip, nothing says I'm thankful like taco dip, followed by an alarming amount of Wisconsin cheese even by dairyland standards, your typical chips and chili cheese dip, some shrimp (we can still pull this off in Wisco right?), and finally some deftly deviled eggs.  Oh, my lord!  Can I get an amen!?! 

Thankspigging is in full motion. The sweet potatoes have been sweetened, the potatoes have been sufficiently smashed and the gravy was proficiently doused with a brimming amount of culinary homage to Mr. Gobbler.  At this point the Lions are losing by 17, the turkey's bouquet of odoriferous seasonings has even the most arduous vegetarian begging for a nibble of nefarious nectar.  It's time to take your Wisconsin or Packer's, as the case may be, apron off and begin the delectable Thankspigging binge. Oh, how I do love America.

Prom for Dudes - Part I

Shedding a Packer tear...

Stumbled upon the greatest moment in Wisconsin Man-hood; Prom for Dudes.  I might be a little older than your typical prom goer, but trust me I had more than enough enthusiasm to best the most copious hormonal junior in High School.  I fell backasswards into a man's dream; I discovered the quarter life man's prom.  It all started with a coworker that held the holy grail of Wisconsin, Packer's season tickets.  Now, these weren't just any old tickets. These were tickets passed down through generations until they fell into that lovely, soon to retire lady that sits behind me at work.  These were 50 yard line seats in row 45. I had one day to purchase these sweet sweet sirens of the north.  I didn't even have to work some crappy $4.50 an hour job over the summer to come up with the scratch.  Being old has a few advantages. 

The plan was set.  I invited my wife, a fail safe, to get away with nearly anything yet still behave myself well enough to stay out of the clink for the evening.  Curiously, the Packers have a policy that if you are intoxicated you will be asked to leave the game "if your intoxication results in irresponsible behavior."  Oh, Wisconsin, you're so true to your German roots.  To seal the deal we went with some college friends to ensure an awe-inspiring good time.  And there is one thing about old skool friends that now have kids too - you don't waste opportunities like Prom for Dudes.  They took the initiative to rent a limo.  Now, that's some terrifyingly formidable friends.  We're not talking about some pansy limo, AKA a van with some loser driver, we're talking a stretch 13 passenger Chrysler 300 pimp-mobile with a driver named Big Poppa.  Kablamo!

It was daylight savings the Saturday before, which meant I would lose an extra hour of sleep because a man can't sleep when the next day is Prom for Dudes.  We went out on Saturday night for a steak dinner to get the proper base. I awoke at 2, 3, 4, and finally just threw in the towel at 5 and got up. (You know a typical day at the Spiegelhoff household). The limo arrived a little before 7am.  Me, already dressed in head to toe green. Was it too early for face paint?  Wife, shaking head in disapproval.  Me, Prom for Dudes!!  We took great pains to pack the limo's trunk, front seat and 4 of the unnecessary 13 seats with coolers, bags, grills, chairs, two tailgating tables (believe it) and 4 pounds of bacon-cheddar-jalapeno-brats.  Did I mention the limo driver was in a tux?  He knew it was Prom for Dudes.  Seriously, I can't even make this stuff up!  Simply put this was going to be an epic adventure. We hit the road by 7 and opened the first bottle of champagne for breakfast.  See, there was something for the wives.  Wasn't this just like the honeymoon? Limo, champagne...!?!  Oh, Prom for Dudes, how I love the way you treat a man.

Flyover for National Anthem...pretty sweet

The champagne was quickly washed down with delicious green and gold jello shots.  Say it with me, Go-Pack-Go! I wonder if one could get a job being a Prom for Dudes planner.  Hmmm, whole new career on the horizon?  The limo ride quickly got us to Lambeau Field (say with a really deep voice and all kinds of dramatics).  It was a crisp radiant morning; a perfect autumn day for football.  The kind of day where you grab a Sprecher out of the cooler by 10 and say, "Man, this is an exceptional day to be a, DUDE!"  We got the grill started, threw the kraut on and started the baggo tourney.  We might have been making a little bit of a scene, taking up 2 tailgating spots with the limo and all but let's face it, this was Prom for Dudes! 

After pounding three courses of meat, cheese and a delicious assortment of Wisconsin's finest adult beverages we made our way through the turnstiles.  I decided, with so many layers on, but no coat, (I'm a man baby!) I would smuggle in a handful of jello shots.  I totally underestimated security upon walking in, which turned out to be legitimate 5-0.  Captain crime fighter grabbed a hold of my pouch, which was laced with gloves hoping to cover up the offending contraband, but alas this donut commander had me dead to rights.  The fuzz asks, "what's that?"  Me, "(sheepishly and my best confused look) uhhhh, jello shots (incredulously???)" Po-Po, "ah, forget it, just go."  Me, "ahahahahahahaha....Prom for DUDES!!!!" The legend continues! 

I'll leave Part II for tomorrow...

Gavin's Birthday

Belated, certainly, but better late than never.  Tonight pumpkin carvin'.  Stay tuned...

We haven't had too many opportunities to open our doors to a myriad of rambunctious kids to run loose on our homestead gorging on sugar provided by yours truly while trying to maintain some sort of control so at the very least death doesn't ensue to one of our guests.  In short hosting a birthday party for a two year old is similar to owning a pool and watching people that have a solid handle on the doggy paddle do back flips off your diving board.  (This blog, regardless of similarities has no reference to real or fictional people).  Within 20 minutes of opening the door the place was filled with joyful noise, toys littering the room and candy wrappers strewn about the place like a minor nuclear weapon had exploded in our home.  All in the name of turning 2!

Gavin woke up at dawn like it was Christmas morning. The boy knew it was his day and he wasn't going to waste a second.  He began the morning, like usual on Saturdays, kicking dad in the face because he was sleeping in my bed instead of his own.  After making sure I couldn't sleep past 5:30 am he decided on a breakfast of waffles with a side of candle.  The kid had to practice making wishes and blowing out candles so he was prepped for his big afternoon.  Coincidentally I went back and checked the tape of Q and he spent his morning blowing out a giant candle on his pancakes over and over.

Gavin got geared up for the Wisco game and then happily watched as the Badgers dismantled the hapless Boilmakers into submission before noon.  The first birthday present! He hit the sack to get some pre-party shut-eye because he knew the raging was going to explode around 3 and wanted to look his rested best.  When the first guest arrived, Etta, he knew it was go time.  She, sporting her pretties, pony tails for girls around 2, and a stunning outfit of leggings, tutu and pink blouse, he in a Badger red sweatshirt and jeans .  There was definitely a moment there.  Too soon?  I mean the kid is two, he has to start some time. The grandparents, aunts, uncles, great aunts, great grandparents, more hotties and bros filed in picking up their birthday favors of dino-rings, tattoos, candy, balloons and kazoos.

We allowed the initial sugar high to settle in and opened up the house to playing.  After the first buzz started wearing down we moved into a competitive game of pin the cranium on the fossilized T-Rex.  We went with the dino theme because Gavin loves dinos and received lots to play with

We then decided it was time for sugar buzz number and two and unleashed the dino-cake.  We somehow managed to cram all two candles on the surface of the brontosaurus with only a minor objection from the herbivore.  Gavin huffed and puffed but couldn't blow that candle out.  We took a minor time out, moved the cake closer to Gavin and success!  We had a newly minted two year old and a wish was granted. 

We haven't had a birthday so close to family before so there was an influx of toys.  To provide the proper visual I'm going to have to ask you to use your imagination. Close your eyes, go back to 2nd or 3rd grade, remember writing that letter to Santa and now instead of childhood disappointment act like you received twice of everything you asked for.  All your friends were jealous - that was like Sunday morning, the day after.  Our kids played and played all rainy day with the new gifts they scored from all their friends and family.  Thanks to everyone for making Gavin's second birthday such a success!