We're Certified Parents!

We graduated last night from parenting class. I took the survey, gathered my diploma and walked out of the hospital a new man; one fit for parenting - at least one child. As we took the elevator down to the first floor and began our walk toward the parking lot I felt a new sense of pride overcome me. That's right, I had just succeeded in changing my first diaper, on a doll. I also practiced using a bulb syringe and clearly will be a bulb syringing pro in a few short months. Look out mucous. I will admit I had serious problems taking off and putting a shirt on the baby - doll. I think it will be easier with something less stiff, like a human. We learned other things like how to cut the cord and keep one hand on the child at all times to prevent dropping on the floor. (Dropping baby is not good). Here is a quote from a new dad in one of the videos about cutting the cord. "It was the most fulfilling aspect of the whole process. For the first time it allowed me to be a part of the experience." I think the actual birth will be more fulfilling. We shall see. I hear the cord is like cutting a bungee cord. A little weird and car crash like at the same time. It's sort of gross but you just can't help yourself.

I did get major props from the teacher for making it to the breastfeeding class. That was great until she called on me to talk about what I learned. Umm, embarrassing. See, the dads show up for the parenting class so you sort have to be a little macho. Everyone in the class is having their first child so we are still in the "cool" stage of our lives. I deferred to the wife to save some face. People only made fun of me for the duration of the class. That's been happening a lot lately - go figure. I also learned there is a boot camp for dads. We saw the video and 20/20 did a special on it. It was about 20+ years old (VHS). A lot of mullets in the video but looked like it may be helpful. Several wives volunteered their husbands for the boot camp. Fortunately, my wife took pity on me and remained silent. She was probably too busy thinking about what she's going to wear for the father of the year ceremony taking place during the 3rd Sunday in June. Hopefully right!?!?

All in all it was a pretty good class. Most of it was gross and way too much information from a male's perspective. It will make me more empathetic to the birthing process and probably prepared us as much as possible. We had a good teacher, which made it informative and still pretty entertaining.

As of today we have 35 days to go. That would be five weeks for the mathematically challenged. Our baby currently enjoys mixed martial arts. The kid has a flair for punching and when that gets old moves to practicing its kicks. It's alien-like for me to feel it. It's painful and drives the wife nuts. The baby's current practice hours are generally near 11pm, which puts him/her into the not-convenient hour. Ah, it's only another 35 days. We'll be fine.