The Sleep Book

We simply can't get over the hump in the sleep department. We have decided we are taking this up to threat level Red, to borrow from our Government's complicated terrorist threat level color coordinated scheme. (Red very bad, orange kinda bad and green very good). We are hoping at some point we get it down to green. See, you didn't even know there was green did you? Green is good. Green means a whole night sleeping in every one's own bed for a minimum of eight hours or more. I don't know if we've ever seen green. I spend most of my free time in airports and I've actually never seen the color change from orange. Orange is nice if you like Illinois or Syracuse, but for sleep orange only nets you about 2-2.5 hours of sleep. We don't care for Illinois or orange or for that matter, 2.5 hours of sleep. Our library shelves are packed with books on sleep but now we are preparing for war. We are reading Patton. We are reading the Gods of War. We have taken days off. We are drawing a line in the sand. We are forming alliances (parents versus child). We are taking it up a notch. We are prepared to go a whole night without sleeping.

Then, just then, in the heat of battle preparations we read the first paragraph, which simply states do not wage war if child is teething. But of course. What a conundrum! Our child cuts teeth like it's a full time job. At $8/hour for building teeth our kid has already paid for his own college. Our kid even snuck in a molar on us discovered this weekend. That little dandy bought him a whole weekend of crabbiness. "I can't believe we didn't know. Oh, poor guy. No wonder he was so fussy." Not helping...! He's up to nine teeth with two more molars coming in. Did the author throw that caveat in to give parents (or his over priced book) an out? How can you win if the first paragraph lobbies for a tie? A stinking tie? Even Quinny is prepared to take it farther than that. What to do now? I think we'll cheat a bit and fire a few shots anyway to instigate Sleep War III. Be prepared for screaming for multiple hours. It sounds harsh, but then you haven't lived here for the past year. That would be the year of 2009, not the Ox (we're not Chinese), the year of sleeplessness in this household and we can take it any more. We're going postal in the sleep department. We may have to lose a little to gain a little and we are ready for the challenge. TV is bad, but doesn't this sound like a fairly solid 4-5 year run of a reality show on FOX? "It's parents versus newborns. Who will win the battle of sleep versus zombies? The attention war. Your kid wants it. These parents want some sleep. It's war and it's on FOX. This Sunday, following the Simpson's. Check local listings."

It all goes down Monday night or possibly Tuesday if we really want to be alert for that conference call on Tuesday morning. We're taking the rest of the week off. Can you inject tryptophan? Hmm, see this is the weekend to wage war. Leaving with a pic of Q walking on the sand for the first time. I love that gut. It's so, so sweet. He now gives her a good two handed pat when he takes his shirt off and that is what having children is all about.