I have to tell you about how my dog turned into a metrosexual yesterday. We have a golden retriever and a big one at that. He has long hair and loves spending time outside. We have a wetland behind our house, which means thickets, burrs and thorny bushes. The dog picks these thorns and burrs up while frolicking about and they get embedded in his hair and over time form doggie dreads. We pick the debris out on a daily basis but inevitably miss some here and there and after a few weeks he's a mess and needs them cut out before getting a bath. I'm all for brushing him, cutting his nails, bathing him and generally getting him pretty but was simply too lazy this weekend. Stinky was earning his nickname and we couldn't hold out any longer. He was a mess and I knew it was going to be a job and just didn't feel like biting the bullet and doing it so I opted for the American way. I paid someone else to do it. (It's stimulating the economy you know).
For the first time we took him to the groomer. It was going to be a 3.5 hour affair they told us. Okay, then. Geez, you would think I'm the worst dog owner ever. A half a day? Really? It's that bad? Well, get to work then and stop judging. They named him Max for the day because obviously that's really close to Lucky and clearly one can see how they could get the two names confused. Why they called him Max we don't know. Maybe that's how you become a dog groomer in the first place. Up to this point your coworkers, or more importantly your boss was getting annoyed you kept calling him Martha when his name was Jim. You don't work there any more. Anyway, we pick him up 3.5 hours later and they are just finishing with him. "Excuse me I am here for Lucky." Confused look by groomer. "Umm, we don't have a dog here by that name." Well, you do, you just renamed him Max for the day, but that doesn't mean you don't have a Lucky because that beast of a pooch over there is him. Do you see the love in his eyes? That's for me. Groomer, "Oh, why was I calling him Max all day?" I don't know why did you call your last boss Martha when he was a Jim? It must be a groomer thing. He remarks, "Max, ahem, I mean Lucky didn't like being in a kennel." I suspect not. He's a free range dog. Did I just board him for a half day? I thought he was getting groomed. "Oh, we put him in there to dry a bit. He has long hair you know." Hmm, now that you mention it, I guess he does. Alright, let me pony up here and get my pooch back to the safety of his home. "Hey hang on, we haven't perfumed him down." Umm, you see Max over there? Ya, he's all man, so no perfume." Too late.
So I get my sort of good smelling dog back and he looks totally different. He's a metro. He's shaved. His booty got shaved. (He usually has "pants" back there that hang down a good 12 inches). His belly is shaved. The hair on his paws has been trimmed back so it looks like he has dainty feet instead of his defining size 12's. They trimmed behind his ears. Do you see the metro theme emerging? He is way too pretty. Although the price for all this work was fair, I feel they took the manliness out of my dog. When I walked him this morning people said he was soooo cute! I usually get, "Look at the size of that guy!" I prefer the people moving across the street to avoid him as opposed to the cutesy dog comments and them running to pet the cute doggie. So tonight I'll have to run him into the woods to rub some dirt on the old boy so he can get his street cred back. If we ever enter him in a pageant the groomer is the way to go. If not, we'll probably go back to making him pretty on our own.
On the Quentin front, he had his first time out yesterday. Yup, I was told you can put them in the penalty box for age X 1 minute. So, if your kid is 2 he can do a penalty box for two minutes. Quinny is big on hitting, which would be great if he was going into boxing but since we want his brain to function beyond his 25th birthday we're thinking not so much so we are trying to cut down on the hitting. He smacked me, the wife and our metro dog last night. So off to the penalty box he went. For full effect we blew a whistle and called high sticking. Before resorting to the time out I tried showing him he could high five but slapping was not allowed, I'm so sorry. He didn't pick up on it. I think the time out worked, though, as he wasn't throwing any jabs or 1-2 combinations after being released early for good behavior. He didn't like the time out (that is the point isn't it?) and he stopped hitting so success. I'm sort of surprised I haven't heard about the hitting at daycare. Maybe they are afraid if they tell he'll really wallop them. I hope the hitting doesn't become an epidemic.
No comments:
Post a Comment