Saturday, April 10, 2010

Man Weekend




We survived the man weekend. And believe it or not there were zero visits by Tampa's finest. If that isn't a validation of solid fatherhood I don't know what is. We certainly had some ups and downs but overall we got in some nice bonding and had a solid man weekend. Let me give you some of the highlights of single father parenting.

The hardest part of the weekend was feeding time. Quinny eats like 20 times a day (weighed in at the doctor's today at 29 pounds and 14 ounces - that's a lot of curls and not my preferred 12 ounce kind). If you turn your back for one second the food hits the floor or there is a flash flood with him dumping his drink of choice into a small pond onto his table. That last bit is his new favorite past time. So, it's the lesser of two evils to attempt to prepare the food without having him strapped in or strap him in and prepare for the food fight. Your choice. The first morning I didn't strap him in so I could toast a bagel for him. Seriously, how long can it take to grab a bagel, toast it and give it to him? Well, long enough to dump a gallon jug of extra virgin olive oil on the carpet. The olive oil is apparently stored within reach of Quentin. (It's gone now so we no longer have that problem). It doesn't have a child proof cap on it as I found out the hard way. I am slaving away making him a bagel and he's dumping the extra virgin olive oil on the carpet. Interestingly enough, one can empty a bottle of extra virgin olive oil within three feet of you very quietly. Who knew?

Taking a shower is a challenge, because obviously he isn't coming with me so he's unsupervised for a few minutes. I figure he's in the bathroom, a small contained area with the cabinets locked down, so there isn't too much damage he can do. Upon showering I open the curtain and see that Q has done some redecorating. He's managed to TP the whole bathroom. A full roll. Then for the exclamation point he chucks the remaining cardboard roll into the toilet. Fantastic! It looks great. I haven't been TPing in a long, long time. I don't believe I have ever cleaned up after someone has TPed my house so this was a new era for me. It's definitely more fun to TP than to clean up the TP. It definitely isn't cool to go fishing for the cardboard roll out of the toilet. Not cool at all. No, definitely not cool. In fact, open letter to Q, please stop throwing objects that are unflushable into the toilet. Thank you.

Speaking of the tub he loves to take a bath and it was fun to have him enjoy his last activity before hitting the sack each day. The last night we are in the bath and his new favorite word is uh-oh. Like when he purposely empties his glass of milk on the table. He then responds uh-oh. He says uh-oh approximately 500 times a day so you can imagine how many times he's dumping his milk, water, plate of food, throwing his fruit, chucking your remote, breaking your favorite, well you get the idea. At any rate uh-oh isn't something that should be said while he's in the bath or when your mind wonders exactly where this is going during your man weekend. Or when you son says uh-oh, stands up in the tub and begins to squat. UH-OH! You're not going to...He lets one rip. I can guarantee you someone has never emptied a tub, grabbed their kid, dried em' off and slapped a diaper on them faster in your life. I nearly called Guinness to record the feat. The gods did me a solid that day and kept his solid out of the tub. I haven't been able to get the Caddy Shack scene out of my head where the pool gets, um, infected we'll say. I think I really dodged a bullet on that one.

Other than that the only activity I think I did a great job on was taking him to the poor man's zoo. You know, Pet Smart. Sure, it's free and your kid doesn't know the difference. They have dogs, cats, all kinds of birds, lizards, snakes, several species of fish, and varmints. Tons of varmints. Mice, rats, hamsters and all kinds of stuff I didn't even know what it was. We killed a half day in there. He was so exhausted from the zoo experience he slept all the way home. I even got him to sleep for 12 1/2 hours one night. That's right. Totally exhausted the lil' feller. I had him out cold by 6:15 one night and he didn't get up until 6:45 am. I could've hosted poker night. (I didn't. It wasn't that kind of a man weekend).

It was a great weekend and I am glad we were able to walk around all weekend without sucking in our guts. It's so refreshing to let it all hang out once in a while. It's nice to have Carrie back, but she's taking off again for a couple of days on business, so we'll be able to crack a few cold ones and eat whatever we want a little later in the week. There just isn't a substitute for some good old man time.

Carrie had the camera so these pictures are from my phone, hence the less than stellar images. Here he is watering the lawn or in our case our dirt. The second didn't come out too well, but he's eating a sour piece of fruit and the faces he was making were hilarious.

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