Peeping Tom

Iowa's not looking so safe these days.  We have a total perv on the loose and he's been having his way with our neighborhood for nearly a year and still no leads as to who he is.  Here is the news story.  You can actually see our house in the video.  Way too close to home (pun absolutely intended). The police have been called 8 times already this year as residents and neighbors have spotted him.  He's carrying around a 20 foot ladder with him and peering in second story windows.  Four doors down last Friday our neighbor caught the guy in the act and said, "He dude, where you going with that ladder?"  At that point the perv dropped the ladder and for a 45-50 year old weighing 200 pounds is apparently athletic because he then proceeded to outrun the local vigilantes.  End result, we are the proud new owners of an AK-47.  Nothing deters pervs better than 640 rounds per minute.  So if the weirdo is reading this beware this house is packing some heat.

I did a little asking around about my rights.  In Florida if this person was on your property you have the right to shoot him.  Of course you do.  This is America.  In Iowa my friends tell me you don't, even it you wake up at 3 am and find this dude peering into your second story bedroom window.  I am shooting anyway.  I think I am willing to take a chance with a gun toting jury of my Iowan gun loving peers to acquit.  What kind of community wouldn't applaud a local citizen gunning down a local predator caught in the act?  Carrie is speculating a painter and that's why he has so many ladders.  Per the local news affiliate "two ladders are in custody."  We are hoping the ladders will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

Last night someone threw a brick through our neighbor's window a few houses down the street or at least that was the gossip the other morning at our daycare, which is near our neighborhood.  I love access to the small town gossip.  After further investigation it turns out it was a smoke bomb and not the kind you let off on the 4th of July. Hmm, the plot thickens.  Let me put my FBI hat on for a moment and start creating a criminal profile.  White male, age 45-50, married, has children, lives in the neighborhood, possible painter or cable guy that may or may not have done a stint in the military (procures smoke bombs).  How am I doing so far?  I think the CRPD should give me a buzz and allow me to consult on the case.  I think I could wrap this up twice as fast as they are. 

In short our kids are sleeping but I'm not because I wake up to the faintest little sound and do the rounds searching for our local degenerate.  The next door neighbor that moved in about three weeks ago recently installed a 1,000,000 candlelight spotlight that lights up both our yards.  That would be great except he placed it directly outside Quinny's window.  Now bedtime is, "Dad, what's the bright light shining in my room?  Oh, that's just the neighbor trying to keep the sexual deviant away.  Nothing for you to worry about.  Sweet dreams!"

Fortunately it's still winter here so we are hoping the cold temperatures keep this guy away.  It snowed enough to collect on the ground Tuesday night.  Man, I am really loving winter.  I hope it never ends!  Care, just reminded me it's spring.  Right, spring.  I am loving this spring weather!  We'll keep you posted.  If you visit and notice anyone with a ladder immediately become suspicious and call 911.  This guy looks totally "normal" but is clearly not playing with a full deck.  Cue banjo music.