The Birds

We thought building that bird feeder in spring was an excellent idea, but I wonder if we have invited our fine feathered friends too close to the house.  About a week ago I went to get Quinny out of his room and I could hear scratching.  I couldn't figure out what it was but it was pretty loud and coming from his window.  At first I thought it was the blinds hitting the window but they weren't moving.  It was a brain conundrum.  Clearly, I was hearing scratching but the blinds weren't moving.  I kept looking at Quinny trying to get some sort of balance for my sanity.  "I'm not going crazy right?  You hear it too right?"  He looks at me and says what Dad?  Thanks buddy.  I looked out the window and there was nothing.  His window is a good 20 feet up on the back side of the house because there is a hill and walk out basement.  I grab him and we begin our adventure.  We walk downstairs, outside and it's clear something is running back and forth in the soffit caught between the roof and the great blue sky.  I can hear claws on metal so its some sort of creature.  While out there marveling at how that's possible I see two birds fly out of the apex of the roof where the vent is.  Awesome.  Birds are living in our roof 40 feet off the ground.

I wasn't sure what to do.  Can you break into your soffit?  I tried and couldn't and I was trying not to destroy the place.  That leads to the question of who do you call.  Do you call the roof guy?  The siding guy?  The exterminator?  We decided it was 85 degrees outside and that thing was doing a lot of laps.  How long could it possibly survive?  Maybe it's best to let nature take its course.  After all this was between mother nature and the creature.  By day 3 the noise stopped.  I'll just assume "it" found its way home.

Over the weekend I'm mowing the lawn and notice a piece of straw coming out of the air condition (or furnace) intake and outtake pipes.  I take a look inside and it turns out there is a nest in each.  Fantastic!  I go inside and mangle a hanger and I am able to semi-successfully pull one of the nests out and two eggs.  We also have two nests under our deck so I had Quinny grab the eggs and throw them in that nest.  I'm sure that will work.  How could it not when you put such thought into a plan?  We'll have a nice adoption ceremony in a few weeks.

So, just to recap, birds living in the roof, stuck in the soffit, two nests in the deck, one nest each in our intake and outtake pipes and a partridge in a pear tree.  Drum roll please....this brings us to the finale of this weekend.  Quinny up at dawn - total shocker! - Carrie be grudgingly rolls out of bed to get something to eat for him.  She hits the hallway and starts screaming.  There is a bird in here she exclaims somewhat hyperventilating.  I assume Quentin or the dog brought a dead bird inside.  I forgot to mention there has been a growing body count.  To date we've found three baby birds dead in the yard over the course of the last 2 weeks.  I am now rolling be grudgingly out of bed and make it to the hallway right before I hit the deck because this dead bird just buzzed my melon.  It's like 6:30 in the morning - on a Saturday!  Quinny, did you leave the door open? Silence, sheepish look, DUCK!  Keep in mind everyone is running for their lives while this fairly calm conversation is taking place.  Is that thing a bald eagle?  No, no, that's good.  It was something that was extremely aerodynamic.  We knew right away it wasn't a duck or a turkey.  What to do, what to do.  Get a broom? No.  Get a flyswatter?  No.  Tennis racket?  No.  Alright, lock down the bedrooms, open the doors and pray for a Christmas miracle.  Just then the bird dropped a deuce in our foyer and out the patio doors he flew.  Thanks for the Christmas present.  Quinny, "Dad that bird just went poo-pooh in our house."  Yup, he sure did buddy.  Kids, you know.  You clean up their mess, you clean up your dog's mess and now I have birds flying into my house also doing their business on the inside.  What a life.

Needless to say the bird feeder is gone and I'm am no longer perusing a career in ornithology.  I am in the market for poison.  Do you know where I can get a deal?