I flew to Wisco for the weekend to give Carrie some much needed alone time with the boys. She just doesn't get enough of that single parenting so every once in a while I try to take a trip so she can use up any excess patience. You don't want to store too much patience.
I was only gone for the weekend so I didn't pack much, just brought a backpack. I travel a lot so I have a few "pre-packed" bags and then I take whichever one fits the occasion. The backpack I took is a travel bag so it has a built-in laptop section that is TSA approved so you don't have to take your laptop out. You just slide the bag through. I have pens, ethernet cords, all kinds of charging cords, matches, pills for various problems, tip money, some change, etc. I'm sure you get the picture. It's not easy to remember to pack all this stuff so I just keep my bags loaded and then just take clothes or whatever I need.
I had no problems leaving Tampa. While leaving Milwaukee I had some issues. I get stopped by security and I never get stopped. I mean never. I know what clothes I own that will set off security from what watches, shoes, belts to knowing that too much spare change will get you stopped. I know. Who knew? I have this down so I was surprised I was stopped. There was a problem with my bag and several TSA agents are looking at the monitor pointing, discussing, pointing some more. I'm watching thinking there's nothing in there. Sometimes you get to certain airports (like Cedar Rapids, IA!) where the TSA agents are extremely aggressive. I know that Iowa is a hotbed for al-Qaeda focusing on spreading Jihadism but clearly I'm not interested in blowing up the 7 people on the plane to make a political statement over a cornfield across from exactly nowhere.
So they grab my bag, take me to the search area and ask all these questions. Do you have two keys of cocaine in there? No. Do you have weapons of mass destruction. Um, no. No, I don't. Do you have weapons of any kind in there? Nope. And of course while this guy is politely interrogating me, I'm trying to think when the last time I used that bag was and what the hell is in there. All I really want to say is, "You know I haven't used that bag in a while and frankly don't know what's in it." But, that's exactly what you don't want to say to security. You're basically raising your hand to have them call the FBI. So, I'm actually a little nervous. He searches the bag. There are a lot of pockets. I have that thing packed like an Eagle Scout. He pulls out a Sharpie, 3 ball point pens (you know certain pens will leak due to the changes in air pressure so, and this sounds beyond nerdy, but I actually carry specific brands of pens that I know won't leak), so there are like 7 different kinds of pens in there. He pulls some matches out - you never know when you might want a cigar and any cigar smoker knows a Bic lighter is not what you use to light a cigar. He pulls out some Zantac and then I thought, that was it. The little foil packets will set off the alarm if they are in your pocket so I thought it would show up funny on the x-ray. He bought that. He takes all this stuff out and puts it in a tub to run it through and he also reruns the bag.
It's another conference with 4 TSA agents this time and I can just tell by the way they are pointing whatever they see, it's still in the bag. Now, I'm actually pretty nervous and starting to wonder if I did something stupid. I'm totally innocent but I'm sure that's what every terrorist says upon questioning. Back to pulling more stuff out. He pulls out money, change, power cords, more pills, clothes, toiletries. The bag is nearly empty. He sends it through again. It's still in there. Ahhhh! It's been about 25 minutes at this point. The guy is being cool and I'm keeping my cool. That's a lesson I learned. Don't be a moron at the airport. If there was ever a place to keep your cool about delays, travel hassles or security it's the airport my friends. I saw a guy take his whole shirt off (bare chested people) because he was peeved they asked him to take off a bulky sweatshirt. He didn't want to waste anymore time so he just stripped down right there in the massive security line. That didn't go over too well. It was extremely entertaining, however, for the rest of us.
Anyway, I'm actually wondering if they are going to rip open the bag thinking it's something sewn inside. I'm getting anxious and racking my brain trying to figure out what I have in this stupid bag! Why did I bring this dumb bag??! I have 12 bags!
Finally, he finds it buried deep in one of the 72 pockets. It was an army can opener. I bought it for tailgating to be able to open the kraut. Any decent tailgate has to have kraut. Hilarious. And you want to know the really funny part? After all that they gave it back to me. Can you believe that? 30 minutes of their time, my time, a search that would make the founding fathers roll over in their grave and they finally find the offending item, look at it curiously, enjoy my tailgating explanation, have a few laughs with me and then give it back to me. As this is taking place a guy got stopped for carry on too much cheese. It's wisco and you can't leave without cheese. They were swabbing his cheese, no joke, to make sure there was no explosive residue on it. The ole' sneaky cheese bomb. You have to be alert for this kind of stuff. At that point they offered to repack my bag. No thanks. Hilarious. There has to be a funny TSA blog. Maybe I can start one.
P.S. The boys survived their mother. More to come tomorrow.
 |
| Drinking & Driving |
I was only gone for the weekend so I didn't pack much, just brought a backpack. I travel a lot so I have a few "pre-packed" bags and then I take whichever one fits the occasion. The backpack I took is a travel bag so it has a built-in laptop section that is TSA approved so you don't have to take your laptop out. You just slide the bag through. I have pens, ethernet cords, all kinds of charging cords, matches, pills for various problems, tip money, some change, etc. I'm sure you get the picture. It's not easy to remember to pack all this stuff so I just keep my bags loaded and then just take clothes or whatever I need.
I had no problems leaving Tampa. While leaving Milwaukee I had some issues. I get stopped by security and I never get stopped. I mean never. I know what clothes I own that will set off security from what watches, shoes, belts to knowing that too much spare change will get you stopped. I know. Who knew? I have this down so I was surprised I was stopped. There was a problem with my bag and several TSA agents are looking at the monitor pointing, discussing, pointing some more. I'm watching thinking there's nothing in there. Sometimes you get to certain airports (like Cedar Rapids, IA!) where the TSA agents are extremely aggressive. I know that Iowa is a hotbed for al-Qaeda focusing on spreading Jihadism but clearly I'm not interested in blowing up the 7 people on the plane to make a political statement over a cornfield across from exactly nowhere.
So they grab my bag, take me to the search area and ask all these questions. Do you have two keys of cocaine in there? No. Do you have weapons of mass destruction. Um, no. No, I don't. Do you have weapons of any kind in there? Nope. And of course while this guy is politely interrogating me, I'm trying to think when the last time I used that bag was and what the hell is in there. All I really want to say is, "You know I haven't used that bag in a while and frankly don't know what's in it." But, that's exactly what you don't want to say to security. You're basically raising your hand to have them call the FBI. So, I'm actually a little nervous. He searches the bag. There are a lot of pockets. I have that thing packed like an Eagle Scout. He pulls out a Sharpie, 3 ball point pens (you know certain pens will leak due to the changes in air pressure so, and this sounds beyond nerdy, but I actually carry specific brands of pens that I know won't leak), so there are like 7 different kinds of pens in there. He pulls some matches out - you never know when you might want a cigar and any cigar smoker knows a Bic lighter is not what you use to light a cigar. He pulls out some Zantac and then I thought, that was it. The little foil packets will set off the alarm if they are in your pocket so I thought it would show up funny on the x-ray. He bought that. He takes all this stuff out and puts it in a tub to run it through and he also reruns the bag.
It's another conference with 4 TSA agents this time and I can just tell by the way they are pointing whatever they see, it's still in the bag. Now, I'm actually pretty nervous and starting to wonder if I did something stupid. I'm totally innocent but I'm sure that's what every terrorist says upon questioning. Back to pulling more stuff out. He pulls out money, change, power cords, more pills, clothes, toiletries. The bag is nearly empty. He sends it through again. It's still in there. Ahhhh! It's been about 25 minutes at this point. The guy is being cool and I'm keeping my cool. That's a lesson I learned. Don't be a moron at the airport. If there was ever a place to keep your cool about delays, travel hassles or security it's the airport my friends. I saw a guy take his whole shirt off (bare chested people) because he was peeved they asked him to take off a bulky sweatshirt. He didn't want to waste anymore time so he just stripped down right there in the massive security line. That didn't go over too well. It was extremely entertaining, however, for the rest of us.
Anyway, I'm actually wondering if they are going to rip open the bag thinking it's something sewn inside. I'm getting anxious and racking my brain trying to figure out what I have in this stupid bag! Why did I bring this dumb bag??! I have 12 bags!
Finally, he finds it buried deep in one of the 72 pockets. It was an army can opener. I bought it for tailgating to be able to open the kraut. Any decent tailgate has to have kraut. Hilarious. And you want to know the really funny part? After all that they gave it back to me. Can you believe that? 30 minutes of their time, my time, a search that would make the founding fathers roll over in their grave and they finally find the offending item, look at it curiously, enjoy my tailgating explanation, have a few laughs with me and then give it back to me. As this is taking place a guy got stopped for carry on too much cheese. It's wisco and you can't leave without cheese. They were swabbing his cheese, no joke, to make sure there was no explosive residue on it. The ole' sneaky cheese bomb. You have to be alert for this kind of stuff. At that point they offered to repack my bag. No thanks. Hilarious. There has to be a funny TSA blog. Maybe I can start one.
P.S. The boys survived their mother. More to come tomorrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment